The World Wide Gas Bag

Just saw this over at Awful Announcing. The Gas Bag known as Chris Berman strikes again. With Cal Ripken going into the baseball hall of fame this weekend, various individuals were asked to give their personal memories of Cal. Here's one from America's Most Not Wanted:

"When Cal arrived in the clubhouse before the game, we were set up to meet him to conduct a brief interview. I looked at him with a straight face and said, 'Cal you think you might get in tonight?' Cal laughed, and then we had a great interview for the telecast. Next time I saw him, he thanked me for, at least for 30 seconds, letting him laugh and relax on that unbelievable night."- Chris Berman

Why don't they just rename ESPN, BERMAN, and get it over with?

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Vlad the Impaler

The Home Run Derby was unique at first, now it is kind of boring. Kind of like what happened to the dunk contest in the NBA All-Star festivities. Last night, however, was quite entertaining even with the blowhard of all blowhards, Chris Berman, doing everything he could to ruin it. It appeared that the wind, sun, and the dimensions of the ball park were going to make for a very low scoring contest. But that all changed in the semi

Vlad Guerrero topped Alex Rios in the finals as both players started to wear down from taking so many hacks. Of course Vlad appeared to be tiring in the semi-finals, then went on a rampage that included smoking a ball 503 ft. How can you not like Vlad? He's quiet, easy going, and rakes like crazy.

Rios is a star on the rise and hopefully some more fans will take notice. You don't get a lot of notice playing north of the border.

The same can be said for Matt Holliday who proved that he doesn't have to hit at Coors Field to do damage. He had a phenomenal round in the semis, only to be topped by Vlad and Rios. Holliday didn't even know he was going to participate until yesterday morning as Miguel Cabrera had to withdraw with a shoulder injury.

Albert Pujols was the other semi-finalist, having advanced after a sudden death "swing off" with Justin Morneau.

As for the side show, Joe Morgan and Dusty Baker had fun in the booth, though Baker was encouraging Berman too much with laughter. The oddest thing of the night was Baseball Tonight's Karl Ravetch thanking Berman for letting them be a part of it. WTF!

Peter Gammons interviewed Barroids about all things home run and such. Barroid took the high road concerning Hank Aaron, but took an indirect swipe at Bud Selig for waffling on his decision on whether or not to show up at the ball park.

Barroid had a very long conversation too with A-Rod. Like to have been a fly on the wall for that one.

Kenny Mayne also tried to bring some insight by sitting in a kayak in McCovey Cove. Not only did he not get anywhere near a baseball, he really provided nothing.

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America's Most Not Wanted

The television show, America's Most Wanted, has been getting the job done for a number of year's now. We now bring you an alternative for your night time viewing, America's Not Most Wanted. In this 1 hr of gripping TV, well show you who America (well us anyway) doesn't want.

Week 1 - Chris Berman

Have you seen/heard this bloated, arrogant, bad haired, overrated, blowhard? If you have, stay clear. He's mentally unarmed, which makes him quite dangerous. No matter how much you lower the volume with your remote, his voice will still boom out of your speakers. A mute button may temporarily halt his onslaught.

It's Sunday night baseball with John Miller and Joe Morgan. No wait, it's a SF Giants game and it's Berman! He's taken over the broadcast of his favorite team. "Back back back..."

Quick, change to the NFL draft. Yikes, he's there too. Yikes? The mere thought of him affects your manhood. Here comes the bad Cosell impression.

Sportscenter, yes Sportscenter, that's where I can find refuge. Jose "Can you see" Cruz homered in the 3rd inning. Damn, foiled again.

Wait it's Sunday night, it's football season...let me get the highlights.

"He could...go...all...the...way". NOOooooooooooooooooooo.

NFL, College, the All-Star game, the draft, Sportscenter. He's everywhere. He can't be stopped, but you can contain him. Write your congressmen, the execs at Sportscenter, most of all, run..or change the dial.

Insert blood curdling scream here.

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